I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
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