You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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