GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
