1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
