i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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