I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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