I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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