theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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