you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
