If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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