She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
