Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
