Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize