did you get engaged???
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
