I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
