your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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