i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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