you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
