I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
foreskin is a definite game changer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
