9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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