I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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