I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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