Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
that is very illegal...i love you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
