I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
