I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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