Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
