sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's blow job season.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
