oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
