Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
