tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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