My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
