do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
