Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
