mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
