operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
