There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
