He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
