Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
soo... how was my night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
