I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
