I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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