A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
