She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
