My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
