just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
