I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
