it wasn't lemon gatorade
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
