So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
