Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
