I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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