I CAN MOONWALK!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
