Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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