So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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