I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
