Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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