Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
