A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
