Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize