Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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