she was so not down for the gang bang
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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