dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
