if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
