Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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