im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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