Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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